my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
