found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
well you can't waste a boner
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
