What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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