i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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