I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
