I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude i'm inner monologue high
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
