Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
