"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
