Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
