those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sober January is a disaster.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
