I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
