you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
