remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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