I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
