My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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