just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
