I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
