so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
