I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
