I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
