The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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