his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
