Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
