I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
