I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
