4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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