Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
