Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
