the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
