Having a random hookup so left but love u
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
