that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
