he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
