I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
