I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
