...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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