whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
