Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
