he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
