I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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