he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
