so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
