I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
