i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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