Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
