no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
