Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
