im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
