You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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