someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He felt like a one man threesome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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