I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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