I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
