We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
