i just wanna soil my oats bro
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
