if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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